Pages

Expiration Date

"We all come with an expiration date, each of us. But we ain't no milk cartons – it ain't stamped on us so's we know when it's gonna be. Think that'd just make it real simple? So's we just know from the start when it's gonna be? Do what we wanna do until that day? Know the best time to take that getaway cash and enjoy them last few years, if you know what I mean. Given we's lucky enough to make it that far, and our parents's lucky enough."

He took a moment to think.

"Or would that just make it more complicated? Like 'cause you know when it's comin', you spend your whole life runnin' from it. Tryin' to change it. Like you run and run and run away from that day, stay out its way, and bam! You smack into it anyway. And while you do all that runnin', you wonder the whole time whether you can even escape fate. Whether you wastin' all that time doin' all that runnin' – time you could spend doin' somethin' real. Yeah, maybe if you accept your expiration date, maybe you enjoy your life at least a little bit."

He stopped for air.

"Been at this job a long time. Only way a guy like me keeps at a job like this a long time's to believe we got nothin' to do with it – whose expiration date comes when. Otherwise we start thinkin' we got some control over it, and boom! Just like that comes our own expiration dates."

He cocked the hammer, pointed the gun.

"But enough about me, let's talk about you. Your expiration date could come tonight. It's up to you."


*source of gun image: freevectorstuff.blogspot.com

The Salt and Pepper Dilemma

Myers heard a knock on the door as he set his dinner plate down on the table. Odd, he thought. He wasn't expecting anyone and it was a little late for solicitors.

"Yes?" he said as he opened the front door.

"Excuse me, but are you eating dinner?"

Myers frowned. "I was about to."

"Do you place salt and pepper shakers at your table during meals?"

The question caught Myers off guard. "What?"

"Do you place salt and pepper shakers at your table during meals?" The man spoke with an accent Myers couldn't quite place. He was short and plump with a pale white complexion, dark hair and a dark moustache. The young woman still stood behind him, mute. She had the same complexion and hair color as the man, but her hair hung below her shoulders.

"Sometimes." Myers was surprised to hear himself answer the question.

"Which side of the salt is the pepper on, and which vice versa?"

Myers shook his head. "I don't understand the question."

"Is the salt to the left of the pepper, or the pepper to the left of the salt?"

Myers shrugged. "Could be on either side, what's the difference?"

The man looked at the woman and then back at Myers. He handed Myers a flyer. It read: MOVEMENT FOR THE STANDARDIZATION OF SALT AND PEPPER SHAKER PLACEMENT. CHOOSE YOUR SIDE TODAY. It had a small picture of a salt shaker and a pepper shaker beneath the words.

Myers laughed. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"No joke, sir." The man looked deathly serious. "Choose your side today."

Myers considered whether to say goodbye to the man and woman, close the door in their faces, and sit down to his dinner, or play along. He found himself asking, "Doesn't the positioning of the salt and pepper shakers depend on one's perspective? If I sit on one side of the table, the salt will be to the left or right of the pepper. But if I sit on the other side of the table, the salt will be on the opposite side of the pepper."

The man's eyes widened, and he seemed to delve deep into thought. He turned and spoke to the woman in another language that Myers could not understand. The woman nodded.

"Sir, you have done us a great service today. We shall amend our approach to involve geographical direction to clarify standardization. North, South, East, or West for the salt in relation to the pepper."

The man and woman turned to leave. Myers thought of asking them what this was all about, why the positioning of salt and pepper shakers should mean a darn thing to anyone, but instead he asked, "What should people do when they have those salt and pepper combo shakers?"