The Bump Snob

The hot summer sun's rays bounced off the pavement, creating a sauna-like effect as Garret and Suki sauntered down 3rd Street, toward Market. Garret spaced out as Suki reminded him which of her friends they'd be meeting later that evening, and their conversation was about the same as any other they might've had when all of a sudden Suki startled him with a loud shriek.

"Woah, what?" Garret turned and saw Suki picking herself up off the ground, a small wheeled, high seated, uniformly sky blue painted bicycle on its side beside her. A youngish, unshaven man with long, wavy brown hair stood above her, apologizing profusely.

"What just happened?" Garret asked.

"Are you blind?" Suki barked at Garret. "Did you not just see this guy barrel into me on his bike?"

Garret looked at the apologizer, who stood with his hands up, palms out, shaking his head, now turning toward Garret, saying, "Bro, I'm so sorry, didn't even see you guys coming, the sun's so bright and I looked away for a moment-"

"Listen man," Garret said, cutting him short, "first of all, don't call me 'bro.' I don't even know you. Second of all, what's the matter with you?"

"Oh, man, nothing. I mean, I'm just really sorry."

Garret helped Suki to her feet. "You okay?" he asked.

"Sure, yes, I'm fine."

The biker emitted an audible sigh of relief, prompting Suki to turn toward him and glare. His look changed instantly to one of fear, clearly afraid of what she might say next.

She looked like she might explode. "What I want to know from you, Mr. Blind Biker Dude, is why in the world are you riding on the sidewalk? Especially up a small street like Church without a single car on it?"

Biker Dude shrugged. "Well, you know…."

Garret and Suki waited for him to continue, but he just stood there.

"No, we don't know!" Suki shouted. "Know what? Answer the question!"

"Well, the street's just so … bumpy." The guy looked down at Church Street's old stone and mortar surface.

"Bumpy? Are you kidding me? Dude, come on! Deal with it! It's a quiet street and a small one at that. Are you telling me you ride on the sidewalk right here because you don't like the uneven surface? What are you, some kind of bump snob or something?"

He shrugged again.

Garret shook his head, part of him wanting to berate the guy and part of him wanting to laugh. He decided to just get his girlfriend out of there. "Suki, forget this guy. The main thing is you're alright. Let's just go."

She shot Garret a disapproving look, but then began walking again toward Market, leaving the two men behind.

"Be more careful, man," Garret said as he went off to catch up with Suki.

"Sorry again, bro."

Garret looked back at the guy, over his shoulder. "Don't call me bro, bump snob!"

Chance Arrival

It’s destiny, he thinks.  Everything else led to sitting upstairs at the Tap by the window and looking out onto the moonlit façade of the old building across the street.

Sitting at the bar moments earlier, something made him rise and walk to the empty table and chair by the window and now that he’s here, somehow he just knows he’s found his place.

He arrived in Philadelphia yesterday.  Riding shotgun from Chicago after half an hour with his thumb in the air, no destination in mind as he waited for a willing driver, the long haired young dude who picked him up popping Mini Thins to make the drive nonstop after partying all night with his buddy’s band, he decided Philly was as good as any other city to start fresh.  All he knew of the place were cheesesteaks, a famous cracked bell, and the Rocky movies.

His chauffeur, speaking a mile a minute because of the Mini Thins, told him he’d like Philly and especially his neighborhood, though the best place to stay is one neighborhood south, he said, the hostel in Old City.  He didn’t say much because of the kid’s constant yapping, which suited him just fine, and when the fourteen hour drive came to its conclusion, the kid dropping him off on the corner of Bank and Chestnut, he wasn’t sure about an invitation to meet for beers the following night, but here he is.

Now seated and looking out into the calm night with scattered voices and lo-fi music combining to create a steady, energetic hum, he wouldn’t be able to explain it, but he knows he’s here to stay.