A Divisive Declaration, via Email

From: Mark G
Sent: Mon 1/28/2013 8:48 AM
To: Mikey Mike
Subject: FW: are you my TRUE friend?

Mike, any idea what sent our old buddy off the deep end?  See below … did you receive this too?

Mark

-----Original Message-----

From: Roderick P
Sent: Mon 1/28/2013 5:55 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients
Subject: are you my TRUE friend?

Dear Friends,

It's come to my attention that certain people comprising a growing minority (or perhaps, by now, a majority) have been swayed by some nebulous, evil force(s) to take away what's rightfully mine and yours, and that while I've fought and will continue to fight with all of my power against this egregious infringement upon my and your unalienable rights, some of you either do not see what's happening as a threat (in other words, you're stupid) or have conceded and joined the movement against me and also, in fact, against (though if you fall into this category, you wouldn't realize it) yourself (in other words, you're even more stupid than the first group I labeled as stupid earlier in this sentence, and you're dangerous too) or, perhaps worst of all, you do not even realize that what's happening is even happening (in other words, you're ignorant).

If you are receiving this email and you fall into any of the categories outlined above, then, kindly allow me to be clear: you are no longer my friend.

That's right, you read that last sentence right, those of you who fall into those categories outlined in the first paragraph above, you traitors.

I'm drawing a line in the sand. You're either with me or against me. If you're not my friend, you're my enemy. If you disagree with me, you're wrong. If you speak out against me, then the joke's on you (ha ha!) because, guess what? I'm not listening!

For all those receiving this email who do not fall into any of the categories outlined in the first paragraph above (which I believe are inclusive of all people with whom I vehemently disagree in this most important of matters, thereby leaving only those with whom I share an outlook and vision), then, kindly allow me to be clear: you are my brothers and sisters, and I love you all.

I'm pretty sure that through my own intuition, I already know where most of you stand, but just to be sure, if you have a free moment in the next couple of days (if you're on vacation or otherwise occupied for the next couple of days, then please reply at least within the next week (take up two weeks if you really, really need that much time)), please reply to this email and make your position known.

Sorry for the mass email, by the way.

Sincerely,

Roderick

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