The Expert Expert

"I've got it, Joseph. This time I've got it."

"Got what?"

"Fishtown Mews was a good idea, sure, in theory. But in practice it was just too complicated – between the financing, the zoning, haggling with contractors – there were too many moving parts."

"Okay." Joseph looked away from Garret, but knew his friend had only just begun.

"I have a much simpler plan now and it's fool proof. I can't lose!" Garret let this hang.

"Well?"

"Let me ask you this, J, what are the characteristics of an ideal business model?"

"I don't know … good product, friendly service?"

"No! Wrong! That stuff means nothing."

Joseph rolled his eyes. "Alright, then you tell me."

"Low overhead, high margins."

"And I suppose you have the perfect low overhead, high margin idea."

"Don't patronize me! But yes, I do."

"And?"

"I read about it in a book. It's the new thing: become an expert."

"An expert?"

"Yes."

"How are you going to become an expert?"

"Well, that's the beauty of it. You don't actually have to be an expert, people just have to think you're an expert. It's all about perception."

"Sounds sleazy."

"The thing is," Garret ignored Joseph's 'sleazy' comment, "when people think you're an expert, then they'll pay for your advice. No business has lower overhead, higher margins than the advice business."

"There's no business like know business."

"Very funny."

"And in what field, may I ask, will you purport to be an expert?"

"Well, that's where the true stroke of genius comes into play, my mortal friend," Garret paused for effect. "With the expert business taking off the way it is, I'm going to become an expert on becoming an expert."

"Ah, yes! Brilliant," Joseph chided, "they'll call you 'The Expert Expert.'"

Garret took Joseph literally. "Yes, they shall. I'll be invited onto all the business networks: CNBC, MSNBC, BlahBlahBlahNBC."

The doorbell rang.

"Nice, food's here. Hey Expert Expert, you got ten bucks?"

"Business is a little slow right now, can you spot me?"

"Tell you what, Garret, you should sell people on how to borrow money from friends without ever paying it back. That's low overhead and high margin, and you're already an expert at it."

"Asshole."

"Perhaps, but I'm the asshole who's buying you dinner."

"Fair enough."